DO NOT HATE A BELIEVING WOMAN

Related by Abu Hurairah(may ALLĀH be pleased with him),

The Prophet ﷺ said: "A believer must not hate (his wife) believing woman; If he finds something in her character he dislikes, he will be pleased by something else." {Muslim}

{Riyadh us-Saliheen: Book 1, Chapter 34, Hadith 275}

COMMENTARY:

The point of reference is that the Prophet ﷺ enjoins adjudicating with justice and fairness. Thus, he (ﷺ) said: 'A believer must not hate a believing woman.' That is, he should not hate her because of her character; if he dislikes something in her personality, he would be pleased with another.

For instance if she did badly in her response to you at an instance, but she has been good to you more than a few times; she acted poorly on a night, but she has always been good on several nights; she failed to take care of the kids but she had done several good acts...and so on.

Thus, whenever your wife acts in an unsatisfactory manner, you should not isolate the current error for consideration; rather, you should look at the past, consider the future, and be just in passing judgement.

The exhortation of the Prophet ﷺ regarding women is relevant with other people who have a form of interaction, friendship or other social dealings with you. So, if he acts poorly to you a day in the year, you should not forget his kind treatment at other times and equate the two. If the kind acts outweigh the offense, the verdict is in favour of kindness. However, if the offense outweighs the kind acts, so consider it; if he is worthy of pardon, pardon him- and whoever pardons and reconciles, his reward is with ALLĀH. But if he does not fit for pardon, claim your right and you are not at fault. But you should watch out for reconciliation.

The summary is that it is necessary for one to be kind to whomever one has dealings with, be it marriage, friendship, business transactions and others. He should always deal with them fairly; if he dislikes a character of his or treat him badly in a dealing, he should consider his good aspect in order to match the two.

- Sheikh Uthaymīn (may ALLĀH have mercy on him)

{Sharh Riyadhus-Saliheen, 3/146-147}

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